Brokenness and Healing Hearts

Me - "so I have made two self observations: That I have a obsession with the concept of love and that I like really dark stuff(movies and such)..."
Rachel - "well that makes sense in a way that both of those can coexist with you without contradicting each other"
Me - "Really?"
Rachel - "yeah, because dark things are often a symbol of brokenness and all broken things that are worth fixing (at least in your mind) can be fixed by love. see? makes perfect sense"
Me - "Wow...that does make sense"

Just another Summer day

Ahhh Summer days ^_^ *sigh* it's been so nice to be able to just enjoy the freedom of being me these last few weeks. No papers to write, no teachers to please, and do deadlines to make. :]

My days have been filled with friends, fun, and sun! Today was a very good day as I got to spend some one on one time with the sisters this morning and friend time this afternoon. Mary, Krissy, and I were able to go for a nice relaxing walk through the woods with our horses, Maggie, Easter, and Anna this morning. Since my selling Dusty I have really not been to the barn at all other then for quick visits, so this time with the horses was like heaven for me. I was once again able to follow through with that oh so familiar routine or brushing, cleaning hooves and talking with these beautiful creatures. This also allowed me to talk and spend time with my sisters on their own ground. They have been pushing for me to spend more time with them a lot as of late(something I wish to do, but alas I am not sure how to fulfill anymore) so this was a great opportunity for all of us.

The afternoon was not so relaxing but very fun. I went to the Fort Lee pool with Rachel, Tony, John, and Josh J. I think I spent a good 4+ hours in the water without taking a break. It was wonderful. We all had a lot of good convo, laughter, and dunking each other until we were sputtering for breath. After this we all went to Luca's for a very yummy pizza :] it was a very fun afternoon.

At dinner tonight Josh made an interesting observation that I am far less mature when I am in the company of the rest of our group and that they were managing to bring me down to their maturity level. This is a point that I have been told before but still one of interest. I told him that I know this and we left it at that, but reality is that that is how I want it. I have self analyzed a lot on this topic and am very confidant that the reason I enjoy spending time with that group is that they give me the chance to be a kid again, to drop all the pressure of being "grown up" or "mature" and let me just let loose and relax once in while. It's an amazing thing, to be able to joke around and have fun with friends. I think it's one of those things that has a time and a place, so it can't be all the time, but when it's in it's right place, it's quite wonderful. So, here is a thought, "what is the 'proper' maturity level?", "can it be judged by age like that?" for is not maturity based upon social and cultural norms? Yes, as a Christian you should abide by Christ's commands, but what about all of the cultural things that people complain about? When I start V.B.S. next week we shall all act like kids again, every person working there from 18-68 acts far younger then is socially acceptable so is that the key? that only when working with kids a person can act young? I have no answer for this.

Anywho, that's a side trip, all in all, the day was a very good one and I am looking forward to spending some quality time with Andrew tomorrow(if he ever calls me) and for an exciting week of V.B.S. to come ^_^

A Very Good Day

*sigh*
Today was a good day...wait...make that a GREAT day! I can't find any crazy cool things to talk about, so I will just tell you about my day.

Got to sleep till 9am this morning. Mmm how I love sleep ^_^ So after this wonderful rest I went up to RBC(Richard Bland College) for my class(btw, I love this class!). Finding out I, once again, received an A on a test did nothing to dampen my mood! Class was good, I even stayed after to talk with the teacher about one of the concepts(something I never do). On from there I joined my awesome family at home for a few minutes to get ready to go swimming(one of my all time favorite pass times ^_^) and my brother, sisters, and I drove to Rachel's home to pick her up so that she could join us. I must say that driving a car filled with these wonderful people whom I am so very comfortable with is always a joy. When we turn up the music and all sing and laugh with each other it's the things that memories are made of. Once we arrived at our destination( also known as my Aunt's house) we all dived and splashed and laughed together for hours on end. Swinging in the hammock in the shade of the large trees surrounding the pool with Rachel while reading a good book and listening to the sounds of my little siblings playing was one of the most relaxing and happy times I have had as of late. Good times with good people. After getting every one dried off and some food/ice cream in them we all went home(and dropped off Rachel). I hurriedly showered(chlorine is sooooo hard to get out of thick, long, curly hair :/ ), changed and was once again out the door and on my way to Andrew's. Now for the best part, spending a lovely evening with the man I love. Not much can beat that. And after some stressful last few days between us, it was a much needed time together. But like all good times, they come to an end way to fast. So, home I went and spent some quality time with my family to finish out the evening as we watched "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" (a movie I think every one should watch just once so that they may laugh at it's utter absurdity!).

So, now I sit here, on my bed, telling you of these goings on. Today was a very good day and I thank you for taking the time to even bother reading all of my ramblings. Summer days have been good to me this year and I look forward to many more before this Summer is over. Have a good night and I shall BYL

Words of Love

So earlier today a guy friend of mine was talking to me about this girl he used to date and can't seem to move past. He wrote this poem/song about her and I thought I would share it(with his permission, of course).




"singing to a sound long since burned out,
deciphering what this love is all about.
Trying to imagine a star crossed induction,
living with the product of my ill fated seduction.
Dangling on the edge of this infernal madness,
my heart being filled with my simmering sadness.
My options limited by my own decisions,
its piercing my heart with surgical precision...
is my heart really on fire, is this just a foolish desire?
Is this what it seems, shall I follow my dreams?
Do I take this chance, do I offer to dance,
so I sit on the side, what I need is a guide,
I want some direction...To the girl named perfection...
I don't have a concrete explanation,
only you as my shining inspiration."

Is that not one of the prettiest things you ever heard? Gotta hand it to all you Romantic guys and girls out there, you guys are awesome. I must say that words like a love poem or such have never been my strong suit. I could type hours worth of my meaningless rambling, but words from the heart are hard for me to extract. Sure, I can push past some of that ultra thick padding that lines the connection between my words and my heart if I am really tired(this is a scary thing to hear! O_o), but to just give out what I am feeling is unnaturally hard for me. So if you have any tips on how to turn off my overactive emotion filter(other then sleeplessness) then please let me know. I think this ability would be a wonderful one to have, but as things stand it is not something I posses. So, I will continue in my calculating, but non risk taking sort of way.

Father's day

So it's once again the day in which we are to honor out family patriarch.I woke up this morning to late to see my father(as he had already left for Mount Pleasant Baptist) and he and the family went to lunch this afternoon (without me, of course) so I ended up not seeing him till well into the afternoon. Here in my home we don't really celebrate this "Holiday" of sorts. Yes, we may give mom or dad a card on mother's/father's day, but nothing big. Grandparents may have a cookout, but it's more of just an excuse to have a cook out, not a cook out for the day. So what makes this holiday so important to some and not others? I was on Facebook a little while ago and kept seeing people post things like "My dad is the best", "I am blessed to have such a great dad" or "Happy father's day to all you dad's out there!", but a post by a friend of mine caught my attention. It read, "Happy father's day to all the GOOD father's out there." This struck me(not literally)as I know she has probs with her babies father and this is who the barb was meant for. So what about all those who have absent fathers? Or Father's who really don't know how to be a dad? How does this day affect them? Me and my dad have had a lot of problems over the last few months, but I still love him like crazy. So what about some one who does not love the person that should fill this role in there life? So I am sending a ginormous *hug* out to any that fit this description. Well that's my thought of the day. Until next time, byl

On a Dark Stormy Night....

Have you ever had one of those moments when everything just happens so perfectly horribly that it's terrifyingly funny? Tonight Sam, Lyn, Mary, Krissy, and I were playing flashlight tag out in the woods between my house and the cousin's homes(a very normal thing for us). It's dark, so dark you can't hardly see a hand in front of your face, the moon is strangely absent from the starry sky, lightning flashes off to the east, creating a strobe affect as we run through the to still night air. So the stage is set in motion. Lyn is it, meaning that the rest of us are scurrying for a place to hide and somehow all manage to be in the same place. At the top of the hill above my grandparent's home, we wait and listen for Lyn to come while keeping an ever present watch for the bright beam of light omitted from his hand. Because of the strangely still night air we are all a bit jumpy already, so when Krissy starts saying that she hears something across the field, we all just push it off as her being paranoid. All of the sudden, in the woods behind us we hear the sound of running feet. With a start, we all take off down the hill thinking it is Lyn. Krissy lays flat on the ground, Mary and Sam run to the bottom of the hill and I slide into the woods for cover. Dixy starts to bark and Sam laughs, thinking that she is chasing Lyn, then Lyn comes running from the OTHER direction! With a start we all tell him to shut up and turn in fear towards the sounds in the woods. Dixy is still barking, something is still running. Then we hear it, not a bark of a dog, but a fierce, harsh growl pierce the still air. With a chorus of screams we all take off in a stamped for the safety of the barn. All of this is happening so fast that we even leave poor Krissy where she lays on the ground. Her and Mary pull up the end while the rest of us lead onward in our sudden migration to the fortitude of the barn. We all rush in, bolting doors and cutting on lights as fast as we can. By this time we are all out of breath and more then a little worried, but we quickly become braver and open the door(but only when the outside light is shining brightly) and venture outside. At this point we are all laughing a bit but still a bit shook up. So we walk a little farther from the light, listening to Dixy barking in the woods. This sound pierces the air once more, this time only a few yards away! With panic in the air we all scream and turn, running for the barn and slamming the door behind us in terror. Now we are more then scared, we are utterly shaken to the bone. One of the siblings calls home and asks for dad to come up so we stand, waiting for him and listening for the sound that has been stalking us. Sam and Lyn open up one of the doors and like the cowards that we all are stick their heads out while holding a pitchfork for protection. We give up on this plan fast and sit back to wait. About 2 min later as we stand by the big sliding doors of the barn they are suddenly pounded on from the outside. As we are all terrified already we all start to scream at this intrusion of our peace. We open the door to find dad standing there, laughing at our fear. Then we tell him what has accrued and we all walk out with him and listen as Dixy chases it farther into the woods. Every few barks she lets out is followed by it's eerie howl. We all make it back home and even Dixy makes it back after a while, but it's still a night that we will not forget any time soon. And as I am sure you would expect, we shall not be playing flashlight tag again any time soon.....

The sound we heard we have identified as a bobcat(or maybe a crazy fox ;) ) here is the link for what we heard. Check it out...if you dare....

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CB4QFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.audiosparx.com%2Fsa%2Farchive%2FMammals%2FBobcats%2FBobcat-growl-01%2F137417&rct=j&q=bobcat+growl+sounds&ei=k3UITM6KFoWsNbbshbYE&usg=AFQjCNFdaoy95UaMDjDNDU7U0pwy5fc9Tg

I Love Good Quotes

"Love is a decision not an emotion or feeling, that if made from the heart will outlast anything..." ~Raul and Samantha Juarez

This is so very true and covers every kind of love. This is Agape in it's trues form. I had Andrew once tell me, "It seems like you love me unconditionally." To which I replied, "Well I do...at least so far that is how it has been" He looked shocked and asked in a voice of disbelief, "Why?! How could you love me like that?"

This is how all our love for others should be, at least it's how I love people.
I love my family like this(which is why I am still here even after all of our long arguments and such.)
I love my friends like this(though I have to be careful not to let them run me over because of this as there is a fine line between always loving and always liking or trusting.)
I love my boyfriend like this and I am a firm believer that this is how a strong relationship is formed and the only way it can survive.
I also love my God like this and this is why when people ask me things like, "How can we love a God that allows ____ or does _____" I can still feel confident in my Lord. As a friend of mine has been soul searching and really trying to understand God, I have found a new understanding of God as well. I forces me to not let things just go, but to search and learn every day.
And the hardest person to love like this is myself. I have grown over the last few years in this and it has helped me to really be sure of myself, but I am far from good at it yet. This is a continual process for me and I struggle with it daily.

So this is my thought for today as this concept really fully describes why I love people the way I do and as my love for those around me has been questioned over the last few days, I think this is a very appropriate topic.

So, how do you love others?