The Coldest Heart

"A couple of years and I'm a silhouette/My halo is broken now and I'm all that's left/I hate to disappoint but it's the way things went/I was blind to the things I did/And deaf to what was said/Tie up these loose ends/These voices are calling me out/I've got the solution/You can feed me to something/That is leaving this doubt/Whoa, I'm losing hope/There's a hole in my heart/That's been cut out of stone/Whoa, cold comes cold goes/Could you fill this hole?/Cause I can't do it alone/A couple of tears and I'm a broken mess/The sadness has taken me far too deep in regret/So sing me a song about something good/My heart's on the threshing floor/And I've done every single thing I could/I use to believe in/Some kind of feeling/That could change everything I thought I knew/But that door is closed and/My heart feels like it's frozen/If you hear me I can feel you/Whoa, I'm losing hope/There's a hole in my heart/That's been cut out of stone/Whoa, cold comes cold goes/Could you fill this hole?/Cause I can't do it alone/The coldest heart can be brought to life/When it's thrown into the fire of goodbyes....." ~The Coldest Heart by The Classic Crime

This is my life atm.
All of the sudden my "normal" days have been tossed around in a blender and I am expected to move on like it's nothing. How can someone expect me to shut off all contact with a friend like that? How can a person be a "part of the family" one day and suddenly if he sets foot here they will call the police? I can't even be friends with him online unless I want to lose all online privileges at home. I am faced with the threat of having to get my own phone plan cuz if he is seen on that of my rents they shall cut me off from theirs. If he calls the house they will prob go off at him and things just can't seem to get better.
Okay, so I know what he did and what he has been doing is wrong. I get that. I understand that. I even respect that they want to protect me and the rest of the family. But not like this. Not in such a all consuming way. I can't hardly keep up as it is and now this?
Suddenly my best friend is cut off from my life...
I can't go through this again, I can't handle losing those close to me so sudden and completely.
Last time tore me through straight to the center of my soul. I can't handle that all over again.
I know that I am older now, things will not be the same. But it's still so much like that past that I flinch every time I even think about it.
I have not been able to cry yet. I am still in shock which is surprising for when this happened a few years back I cried for days(though then they cut loose from me instead of the other way around).
This is not just a random friend, this is my "Jacob", my "Heathcliff", my "Phantom". And as much as I have known things would have to change, that the "Edward" in my life may steel me away, this is not how I wanted it to happen. I hoped he would find someone first, I hoped that I could at least be the friend he needed until he could move on. But things don't always work how we want them. We will still see each other at school and church, but it's not gonna be the same.
My mind is running in circles faster then I can keep up. I will talk to him today about all of this, but am sorta afraid of how it will go. He will be mad, he will be hurt, he will want to fix it. But it's just not that simple, nothing is that easy anymore....